Try Something New

In the past, when I’ve had 10 or 15 minutes of downtime, the habit was to grab my phone and play a game or two during this time. Or perhaps I would scroll social media aimlessly, and the break time would disappear. It wasn’t for a dopamine hit or even to see what was going on. It mainly was habit, and I was not sure what else I could do in the window of time. So it’s overdue that I try something new with those 10 to 15-minute breaks. They are always going to be present in my day. But instead of opening Threads or Mini Metro, I’ll work to make it writing time.

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We Used to Read Personal Blogs

I am typing this post while sitting on the couch watching my kid play another New Game + playthrough of Spider-Man 2. Recently, I have been thinking about how I want to show up online now that I have retired from live-streaming. Should I keep posting the occasional news article or make time for more reviews? Maybe shut it all down? The thought that consistently returns most for me is to return to where it all started.

I am talking about 20 years ago when it started before I knew about Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, when I brain-dumped whatever, whenever I felt.

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Motivation isn’t everything

I had a plan. I did. Life doesn’t always work that way when I am not in charge of it. I don’t get to dictate how my day goes. My control is limited. But I do my best to make it work.

A sleep disruption for my kid was caused by five weeks of autistic masking during major housework. I ended up at the ER early last week, requiring a scope. This event messed me up, both physically and mentally. I am the person who has every side effect listed on the medication. Blogging for this month needed to be shelved because my health didn’t let me get my thoughts out coherently.

This past week for Blaugust was “Motivation Week,” when we were meant to discuss the what, why, and how we stay motivated. I realized I do not lack motivation. I lack the time to act on my motivation. I have to say no to more than I would like to say yes to the essential things.

I have learned over Blaugust to embrace my limitations. I can’t do it all. One time a week for a blog post or a stream on YouTube is good enough. Simply showing up is good enough. I am a Dad who needs to be here for his kid 12 hours a day. I can’t do the creator/influencer thing I once thought I could. Working within our parameters and nudging the edge to see how much we can push it works. The key is knowing the breaking point.

I learned this the hard way while lying in the hospital.

Motivation doesn’t have to mean you do everything. It just means you can show up when you are ready.

Parent of a PDA Kid

I find it fitting that during Introduction Week of Blaugust, I would need to take time away from daily blogging.

Hi, my name is Jesse, and I am the full-time parent to an autistic kid with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

I have never said that on the internet before. But it feels like it is finally time to discuss what is happening during these moments when I need to disappear. Because it helps make sense of why I can go a month of streaming non-stop into being unable to create content for weeks on end.

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When Expectations Meet Reality

Today was rough.

I am typing this post at 7:45 PM on day one of Blaugust. I don’t want to fall behind, but sometimes, days will be like today. I expect a few more as the month goes on.

The kid woke at 4 AM this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. This happens a lot. It has happened throughout their life. These wake-ups are why I can’t commit to a streaming schedule, consistent video creation, or keeping a blog current. It is also why I decided to take the plunge with Blaugust. The purpose is to show me that blogging is the most accessible medium to share what is happening, the things I enjoy, and the news I find helpful.

There will be many more days like today this month. It is a fact of life for me. If evening posts are what I need to do, so be it. I am rusty. Blaugust participation is about the practice – building the writing muscles I used to use so much. This event is thirty-five days of building up my blog and the greater blogging community. I shouldn’t worry too much about the length of each post.

When this is all said and done, maybe I will finally find the words to share more of the day-to-day life as a Dad of a kid with PDA and just why I need to remain a full-time parent. Perhaps this is my real reason for showing up this month.

Also, sorry for no links post this week. We will try again next Sunday.