We Used to Read Personal Blogs

I am typing this post while sitting on the couch watching my kid play another New Game + playthrough of Spider-Man 2. Recently, I have been thinking about how I want to show up online now that I have retired from live-streaming. Should I keep posting the occasional news article or make time for more reviews? Maybe shut it all down? The thought that consistently returns most for me is to return to where it all started.

I am talking about 20 years ago when it started before I knew about Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, when I brain-dumped whatever, whenever I felt.

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Motivation isn’t everything

I had a plan. I did. Life doesn’t always work that way when I am not in charge of it. I don’t get to dictate how my day goes. My control is limited. But I do my best to make it work.

A sleep disruption for my kid was caused by five weeks of autistic masking during major housework. I ended up at the ER early last week, requiring a scope. This event messed me up, both physically and mentally. I am the person who has every side effect listed on the medication. Blogging for this month needed to be shelved because my health didn’t let me get my thoughts out coherently.

This past week for Blaugust was “Motivation Week,” when we were meant to discuss the what, why, and how we stay motivated. I realized I do not lack motivation. I lack the time to act on my motivation. I have to say no to more than I would like to say yes to the essential things.

I have learned over Blaugust to embrace my limitations. I can’t do it all. One time a week for a blog post or a stream on YouTube is good enough. Simply showing up is good enough. I am a Dad who needs to be here for his kid 12 hours a day. I can’t do the creator/influencer thing I once thought I could. Working within our parameters and nudging the edge to see how much we can push it works. The key is knowing the breaking point.

I learned this the hard way while lying in the hospital.

Motivation doesn’t have to mean you do everything. It just means you can show up when you are ready.

Online Creation in 2023

It is Creator Appreciation Week for Blaugust. A year ago, this post would have been easy. I’d make a list of all my favourite people on Twitter. Now, Twitter is X. The place is a shell of its old self, and I am no longer using it.

Some remain at the former bird site. Many are scattering for a new home. Some land on Blue Sky, which is locked behind invites. Others, like me, have moved to Mastodon, a place with its own onboarding issues. Threads isn’t going to move the needle until it is in the EU. TikTok is a mess – the shotgun-at-the-wall approach to social sharing.

The forced fragmenting of the social internet by companies looking for more money makes it difficult to follow and keep up with people with whom I used to invest a lot of time.

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Parent of a PDA Kid

I find it fitting that during Introduction Week of Blaugust, I would need to take time away from daily blogging.

Hi, my name is Jesse, and I am the full-time parent to an autistic kid with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

I have never said that on the internet before. But it feels like it is finally time to discuss what is happening during these moments when I need to disappear. Because it helps make sense of why I can go a month of streaming non-stop into being unable to create content for weeks on end.

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Letting Go of Live Service

Yesterday I touched on quitting live service and MMOs for a month to see how my gaming habits change. I spend much of my gaming time keeping up with daily/weekly/monthly tasks for digital items in MMOs I don’t often use, leaving no time for everything else in the gaming world. These cosmetic items – mounts, transmog, and toys, are for collections I don’t own. I need to break out of the “must collect everything” thinking regarding these games because the collection is one business decision from going away forever.

A screenshot from the cozy mmo Palia. The back of a male character looking at a small medieval type village.
Screenshot from Palia Closed Beta

But, how do I accept the games I have always played are no longer right for me?

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A New Routine

Blaugust has already changed my morning. The first few steps remain the same. Get Coffee. Feed the dog. Shower. However, when I sit at my computer, I no longer open a video game first. Instead, go to Mastodon and check out the new posts from others participating in the event.

This is a nice feeling. It motivates me to come here to get some thoughts out of my head before I lose them all to the busyness of my day.

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